I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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