I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize