Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
