found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize