My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The uberlube is also flammable
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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