It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
