My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
