Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She needs sedatives and a leash
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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