hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
