Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize