So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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