omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
