Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
