hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
