How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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