Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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