The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
