I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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