Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
