i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
