woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
