As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
50% drunk capacity currently
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
