you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
