Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
