I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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