i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize