Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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