So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
