How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize