69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
