We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
only if we run a train.
done.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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