and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
