It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
