i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
