I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Randomize
