peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
