i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
