I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
