I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize