it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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