I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
