found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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