I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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