I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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