he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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