I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
