my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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