If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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