does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
