dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
