It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
