it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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