so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
