I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I believe in your delicious
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
