My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
