I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize