windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
