In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
