you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can't put those talents on a resume
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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