We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
