There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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