As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
