the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
