Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
