No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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