I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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