I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
