it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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