I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
