Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
