this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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