i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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