She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
